"Natalee, you have bipolar." I was sitting on a couch next to Wes in this psychiatrist's office. It was 2005 and I had just come out of a three week psychotic episode. Wes, who doesn't cry much, started crying and I sat there in unbelief. Blood was pulsing through my veins because I really didn't believe her.
Over the next 10 years, amidst having a generous handful of kids (4) I would get psychotic every few years. These times were devastating to our brood of six. Each one of these events were horrific...especially coming out of them. I felt alone. My doctors told me that I would always be like this, offering little explanation for why they were happening. Not once did any doctor ask me questions about the trauma I suffered in childhood. They quickly wrote me a script and in 15 minute consults proclaimed a sentence of mental illness over my life.
Yet I had four kids, and I was trying to be a good mom, but the pain I was in was tremendous. I was like a big old gunshot wound walking around trying to act normal. I had little hope of getting better so I just drank a little more than was healthy and smoked more. I mean, what else was I going to do with the fact that I thought my husband was Jesus for three months? And waved my arms in a crazy way and shouted on the sidewalks of my street?
The summer of 2014 I came to my absolute end. My doctors just kept upping my meds and barely retured my phone calls, which seems to be common practice. I was fighting off psychosis but not successfully. My marriage was struggling after years of my instability. After being psychotic for four months, I cried out to God. "What is wrong with me? Please help me!" I was at my end. I began looking up for healing mental illness naturally and ended up finding a holistic psychiatrist through a friend. I was willing to do anything she told me to do. I had lost hope in traditional psychiatry.
First of all, my new doctor spent three hours with me. This had never happened before. I left many psychiatrist offices in the past feeling empty and misunderstood. She told me that healing was possible. She put me on a paleo-ish diet and some supplements and two weeks later, after feeling totally abnormal for ten years, I began to feel normal. I started organizing my house. I had energy. Everyone around me was in shock. It was like the static that was chronic in my head just stopped. I started to laugh again. Jesus was right there doing His thing too...of bringing gentle healing and restoration to my soul. He began to work repentance, but it was so kind and gentle because He knew my suffering. He knows how to tailor healing to each one of His kids.
For two years now, I've been following the paleo diet and it helps me so much. I have gotten my life back in ways I could have never imagined. I've had amazing people around me, primarily Wes, who never gave up on me. My family has been patient with me, even though it's been super hard.
I am working with an amazing therapist who specializes in childhood trauma. The way I think is changing. My diagnosis has actually changed to PTSD (which can look like bipolar). I finally feel heard. Listened to. I just want to shout from the mountain tops that healing is possible for even the very worst cases.
Over the next 10 years, amidst having a generous handful of kids (4) I would get psychotic every few years. These times were devastating to our brood of six. Each one of these events were horrific...especially coming out of them. I felt alone. My doctors told me that I would always be like this, offering little explanation for why they were happening. Not once did any doctor ask me questions about the trauma I suffered in childhood. They quickly wrote me a script and in 15 minute consults proclaimed a sentence of mental illness over my life.
Yet I had four kids, and I was trying to be a good mom, but the pain I was in was tremendous. I was like a big old gunshot wound walking around trying to act normal. I had little hope of getting better so I just drank a little more than was healthy and smoked more. I mean, what else was I going to do with the fact that I thought my husband was Jesus for three months? And waved my arms in a crazy way and shouted on the sidewalks of my street?
The summer of 2014 I came to my absolute end. My doctors just kept upping my meds and barely retured my phone calls, which seems to be common practice. I was fighting off psychosis but not successfully. My marriage was struggling after years of my instability. After being psychotic for four months, I cried out to God. "What is wrong with me? Please help me!" I was at my end. I began looking up for healing mental illness naturally and ended up finding a holistic psychiatrist through a friend. I was willing to do anything she told me to do. I had lost hope in traditional psychiatry.
First of all, my new doctor spent three hours with me. This had never happened before. I left many psychiatrist offices in the past feeling empty and misunderstood. She told me that healing was possible. She put me on a paleo-ish diet and some supplements and two weeks later, after feeling totally abnormal for ten years, I began to feel normal. I started organizing my house. I had energy. Everyone around me was in shock. It was like the static that was chronic in my head just stopped. I started to laugh again. Jesus was right there doing His thing too...of bringing gentle healing and restoration to my soul. He began to work repentance, but it was so kind and gentle because He knew my suffering. He knows how to tailor healing to each one of His kids.
For two years now, I've been following the paleo diet and it helps me so much. I have gotten my life back in ways I could have never imagined. I've had amazing people around me, primarily Wes, who never gave up on me. My family has been patient with me, even though it's been super hard.
I am working with an amazing therapist who specializes in childhood trauma. The way I think is changing. My diagnosis has actually changed to PTSD (which can look like bipolar). I finally feel heard. Listened to. I just want to shout from the mountain tops that healing is possible for even the very worst cases.
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